"Can I help you?" I asked her, as I put my groceries away in the back seat of the cab.
"How can you drive this?" She asked.
"Easily. Pulls like a motherfucker." I said.
"Language!" She shouted at me. Nearly hit me with her purse.
"What?" I asked, confused.
"Don't talk like that! I'm a christian." She declared, like that should have some meaning to me.
"Hey, whatever sky wizard you want to pray to is fine by me, lady. Now if you don't mind, I have work to do." And with that, I hopped up into the driver's seat in my truck.
Apparently, she wasn't finished with me. "I can't believe you talk like that." She went on. "The nerve! And to drive such an obnoxious truck! My Prius gets 60 miles to the gallon and here you are driving this huge truck to the grocery store. Shame on you." She said, waving her stupid finger in my face.
"I hate to tell you this..." I explained. "But, your precious Prius does not get 60 miles to the gallon." Because, they really don't. I sold the stupid things in a previous life, and I know the Prius is just marketing bullshit.
"But..." She started as I shut my truck door in her face and started up my diesel engine. I could tell she was still talking because her stupid face was still yapping along, but I just didn't care. I revved the engine up a few times just to burn some of that precious fuel she cared so much about.
Then, she started smacking the glass on my window with her umbrella. I couldn't fucking believe it. I really just wanted to ignore her and get on my way, but she was making it quite difficult. I wasn't about to just go away after some stupid bitch smacked her umbrella at me. I rolled down my window. "What?!" I finally asked, exasperated.
"I said, apologise! Don't you go slamming doors in my face after talking to me like that!" She said, her brow furrowed and stern looking. Oh no. I started shaking in my boots. This smug bitch is so scary.
I just stared at her stupid smug face for a while, trying to decide if I should just shoot her in the head right there in the parking lot. I was really tempted. "Go fuck yourself." I finally said, and rolled up my window. I revved up my engine some more just to piss her off. She screamed something at me, but I couldn't hear it.
Finally, she stomped off to her stupid prius. I waited for her to pull out and then followed her out the exit. I could see her watching me in her rear-view mirror. She still had that smug anger in her face. How dare I drive such a big truck. Stupid cunt.
She took a left on Highway 26, towards Mt. Hood and I followed closely. I wanted to know I was back there. Hard to miss my big obnoxious truck in her rear-view mirror. After about 10 miles up 26, she took a right on a side street and I followed along. It was quite a curvy road, with a cliff on the left side. It was raining like a motherfucker and I could tell the smug bitch was having trouble driving because she was gripping the steering wheel of her precious little Prius with both hands. There were patches of snow on the right side of the road and their may have even been a little ice, but I couldn't really tell because my truck is heavy as fuck and traces of ice don't do shit to the beast.
I still had some work that I had to do, back at the house, so I figured it was best just to put this smug Prius cunt out of her fucking misery. I tapped on her rear bumper a tad with the grille guard on the front of my truck. The Prius skidded a tad, but still stayed on the road. I tapped it again, this time digging in from the right side, trying to push her to the left, maybe even off the cliff. The Prius bounced to the left a bit, but still stayed on course.
I hadn't really done this before. Never really ran anyone off the road. Not like it's hard. The concept is simple, especially with a big truck against a puny little prius. I knew how to do it, but I was really just toying with the smug cunt. I wanted to see her squirm and cry to her sky wizard for help. I just wish i could see the look on her face when her god failed to answer her call.
I let off the gas and fell back a bit to get some room between us. I wanted to get a good run at her, instead of just giving her a gentle tap. So, I hit the gas hard, and smacked the back of the Prius something fierce. The hatchback caved in and her left rear wheel started to wobble. She was all over the road, after that. Still trying to hang on, but the car was having trouble staying in the lane.
I saw the stupid cunt practically crying in her rear-view mirror. Looking back at me. Pleading. I backed away from her Prius once more, slammed on the gas, and hit the tiny car hard from the right side. It hit so hard, the right back quarter panel of the Prius completely crumbled. Her right rear tire folded into itself, and the tiny car finally slid off the pavement and down the cliff off the left side of the road. Success!
I stopped on the side of the road, and got out to watch her stupid Prius tumble down the cliff. It had gotten lodged against a huge tree about a hundred yards down. It was on its left side. The top of the car was lodged against the tree. The bottom of the car was facing up towards me. Perfect, I thought.
I went to my truck and got out my .22 rifle, which had a pretty good scope on it. Got to the side of the road and aimed down the ravine to the tiny little Prius and its vulnerable gas tank. I could see through the scope that the smug Prius lady was trying to open the right side door, to climb out the top. So, I took a few shots at her gas tank. I shot it until the car finally exploded. I could see the smug bitch burning, still inside the car.
"Mmmmm." I said to myself. "I could really go for a flame-broiled Whooper right now."
==============================================
DISCLAIMER: This is fiction, you fucking idiots. It's just a goddamn story.
Check out my Tumblr http://killingeveryday.tumblr.com/
"How can you drive this?" She asked.
"Easily. Pulls like a motherfucker." I said.
"Language!" She shouted at me. Nearly hit me with her purse.
"What?" I asked, confused.
"Don't talk like that! I'm a christian." She declared, like that should have some meaning to me.
"Hey, whatever sky wizard you want to pray to is fine by me, lady. Now if you don't mind, I have work to do." And with that, I hopped up into the driver's seat in my truck.
Apparently, she wasn't finished with me. "I can't believe you talk like that." She went on. "The nerve! And to drive such an obnoxious truck! My Prius gets 60 miles to the gallon and here you are driving this huge truck to the grocery store. Shame on you." She said, waving her stupid finger in my face.
"I hate to tell you this..." I explained. "But, your precious Prius does not get 60 miles to the gallon." Because, they really don't. I sold the stupid things in a previous life, and I know the Prius is just marketing bullshit.
"But..." She started as I shut my truck door in her face and started up my diesel engine. I could tell she was still talking because her stupid face was still yapping along, but I just didn't care. I revved the engine up a few times just to burn some of that precious fuel she cared so much about.
Then, she started smacking the glass on my window with her umbrella. I couldn't fucking believe it. I really just wanted to ignore her and get on my way, but she was making it quite difficult. I wasn't about to just go away after some stupid bitch smacked her umbrella at me. I rolled down my window. "What?!" I finally asked, exasperated.
"I said, apologise! Don't you go slamming doors in my face after talking to me like that!" She said, her brow furrowed and stern looking. Oh no. I started shaking in my boots. This smug bitch is so scary.
I just stared at her stupid smug face for a while, trying to decide if I should just shoot her in the head right there in the parking lot. I was really tempted. "Go fuck yourself." I finally said, and rolled up my window. I revved up my engine some more just to piss her off. She screamed something at me, but I couldn't hear it.
Finally, she stomped off to her stupid prius. I waited for her to pull out and then followed her out the exit. I could see her watching me in her rear-view mirror. She still had that smug anger in her face. How dare I drive such a big truck. Stupid cunt.
She took a left on Highway 26, towards Mt. Hood and I followed closely. I wanted to know I was back there. Hard to miss my big obnoxious truck in her rear-view mirror. After about 10 miles up 26, she took a right on a side street and I followed along. It was quite a curvy road, with a cliff on the left side. It was raining like a motherfucker and I could tell the smug bitch was having trouble driving because she was gripping the steering wheel of her precious little Prius with both hands. There were patches of snow on the right side of the road and their may have even been a little ice, but I couldn't really tell because my truck is heavy as fuck and traces of ice don't do shit to the beast.
I still had some work that I had to do, back at the house, so I figured it was best just to put this smug Prius cunt out of her fucking misery. I tapped on her rear bumper a tad with the grille guard on the front of my truck. The Prius skidded a tad, but still stayed on the road. I tapped it again, this time digging in from the right side, trying to push her to the left, maybe even off the cliff. The Prius bounced to the left a bit, but still stayed on course.
I hadn't really done this before. Never really ran anyone off the road. Not like it's hard. The concept is simple, especially with a big truck against a puny little prius. I knew how to do it, but I was really just toying with the smug cunt. I wanted to see her squirm and cry to her sky wizard for help. I just wish i could see the look on her face when her god failed to answer her call.
I let off the gas and fell back a bit to get some room between us. I wanted to get a good run at her, instead of just giving her a gentle tap. So, I hit the gas hard, and smacked the back of the Prius something fierce. The hatchback caved in and her left rear wheel started to wobble. She was all over the road, after that. Still trying to hang on, but the car was having trouble staying in the lane.
I saw the stupid cunt practically crying in her rear-view mirror. Looking back at me. Pleading. I backed away from her Prius once more, slammed on the gas, and hit the tiny car hard from the right side. It hit so hard, the right back quarter panel of the Prius completely crumbled. Her right rear tire folded into itself, and the tiny car finally slid off the pavement and down the cliff off the left side of the road. Success!
I stopped on the side of the road, and got out to watch her stupid Prius tumble down the cliff. It had gotten lodged against a huge tree about a hundred yards down. It was on its left side. The top of the car was lodged against the tree. The bottom of the car was facing up towards me. Perfect, I thought.
I went to my truck and got out my .22 rifle, which had a pretty good scope on it. Got to the side of the road and aimed down the ravine to the tiny little Prius and its vulnerable gas tank. I could see through the scope that the smug Prius lady was trying to open the right side door, to climb out the top. So, I took a few shots at her gas tank. I shot it until the car finally exploded. I could see the smug bitch burning, still inside the car.
"Mmmmm." I said to myself. "I could really go for a flame-broiled Whooper right now."
==============================================
DISCLAIMER: This is fiction, you fucking idiots. It's just a goddamn story.
Check out my Tumblr http://killingeveryday.tumblr.com/
No comments:
Post a Comment