Monday, January 13, 2014

Killing an asshole with a shovel

I was driving down the road, on the prowl for a victim at about 2 a.m.. I passed by a girl who looked like she could be no older than 12, so I slowed down on the side of the road, next to her and rolled down the passenger window to talk to her.

"Hey, need a ride?" I asked.

"No, it's ok. I'm fine." She was clearly not fine; it looked like she had been crying. I thought she would fit the perfect profile of a young run away.

"Come on, it's poring down rain out there. I'll take you wherever you want to go. I'll even protect you from your parents, if you like. You don't have to go home if you don't want to." With that, she opened the passenger door and got in. I rolled up the window for her.

"Thanks," she said. "Dad's being a complete asshole tonight."

"Did you do something wrong?" I asked.

"No. He's just drunk as usual. Screaming at everyone and beating the shit out of my mom. I just want to see him die a horrible death. Is that so wrong?" she asked, in all seriousness.

"Not wrong at all. I know exactly how you feel, believe it or not. My dad was a drunken alcoholic asshole as well. One night, when he was beating my mom, I finally had enough and beat him to death with my baseball bat. Fuck with me all you want, just don't fuck with mom. After that, I ran away. I think I was about your age." I was trying pretty hard to get on her side, just to hear the rest of the story. I'm pretty sure an adult would see right through my bullshit, but a 12 year old doesn't know shit.

"I almost did it," she said, after a long silence.

"Did what?" I asked.

"Well, I got his gun." She pulled it out of her bag to show me. "I have no idea how to use it. Well, I'm pretty sure you just point it and pull the trigger, but I did that and nothing happened. I just don't know what I'm doing..." She started to cry a little more.

"Let me take a look at it." She handed it over and I checked the safety. Sure enough, it was on, so I switched it off. Then I checked to see that It was loaded. Nine in the mag and one in the chamber.

I handed it back to her. "Careful," I said. "It will work when you pull the trigger now."

"Thanks," she said, with what looked like the beginning of an evil grin. "Can ya take me back home then? I want to finish this."

"Sure," I said. She told me where she lived, and I turned the car around. I drove in silence as she fondled her lethal gun.

"Oh shit!" she said, as we pulled up to her driveway. Her dad was out in their front yard, holding a shovel. What looked like her mom was laying bloody on the ground by his feet. "What do I do?! What do I do??" she asked me in a panic.

"Shoot that motherfucker," I said as plainly as I could.

She got out of the car and walked towards her father, gun in hand. She pointed it at him and it looked like her whole body shaked. It was still poring down rain and cold as fuck. I didn't think she had the nerves to pull it off, so I just watched for a while.

Her dad walked towards her. "Don't come any closer!" she screamed. "I'll fucking shoot you! I'm going to fucking shoot you!" Like she was trying to convince herself. He kept coming at her at the slowest pace imaginable.

Finally, I got out of the car and stood, looking over the hood at the asshole with the shovel. Inching his way towards his daughter. Anger and death in his eyes. "Jesus christ, just shoot him already!" I shouted.

But she couldn't do it. She lowered the gun and shot into the mud. Crying her fucking eyes out.

FUCK, I thought. GODDAMNIT. It would have been so much better if this girl could do it herself. Oh well, I need the daily kill anyway. So, I walked up to her, grabbed the gun from her hands and put a round in her dad's leg. He came crashing down near her, hitting the mud with his face. I put a couple more rounds in his legs, just for the hell of it. He should suffer a little, after all.

While this was happening, the girl just stood there, in shock. Couldn't believe her eyes. I looked back at her and said "See how easy this is? Just pull the goddamn trigger. Easy as pie." I tried handing her back the gun but she just shook her head violently.

Her dad started screaming some bullshit at me, I don't know what because I really wasn't listening. I grabbed the shovel that he was still holding and started beating him to a pulp. I started with the legs, since there were already bloody holes in them. I smacked those holes good, just to be sure he felt some pain. Then I wailed on his back a few times. Even stuck the shovel blade deep in his spine.

He screamed his last breaths, and it was awesome. I finally took a huge swing with the shovel and caved his skull in. He was dead, but I kept at his head a few more times just because he fucking well deserved it.

I looked back at the girl and said "Now that, is how it's done." Then I walked back to my car. As I started up the engine, I noticed the girl go to her bloodied and battered mom. Apparently, she wasn't dead. She sat up and cried with her daughter.

"Isn't that cute," I said to myself as I drove off with the asshole's severed head in my passenger seat.

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DISCLAIMER: This is fiction, you fucking idiots. It's just a goddamn story.
This blog can also be found at http://killingeveryday.com
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