Killing Chad Hall with a hammer and nails

Chad Hall was my arch nemesis at the last job I had. I hated him with every fiber of my being. Every time I saw him, I wanted to claw his eyes out with the backside of a hammer. I'm not entirely sure why I hated him so much. He just acted like he was better than the rest of us.

Cocksucking Chad Hall was a friend of the owner. They met at some health club or some such shit, and just hit it off apparently. I guess Chad Cocksucking Hall gave good head or something, because the owner hired him as a regular sales guy, then like a week later, the cocksucker was in management. Fucking cock sucker.

And then Chad "The motherfucking cocksucker" Hall, as he came to be known, became my direct manager. Just fucking kill me. The only reason I had the fucking job was because I had just got out of pound-me-in-the-ass prison and the state required me to have a job while I was still on probation. Motherfuckers.

So, I was stuck with the Chad. I decided then and there that if I ever got out of that situation, one day, I would return to repay that cocksucker Chad for what he did to me. Which was nothing really. He never really did anything. He just had this attitude that drove me fucking crazy. It's hard to explain, but trust me, the guy deserved all that I had to give him.

It has been over five years since I worked at that shit-hole car dealership. I figured it was about time I went back. So, I grabbed my tool box and hit the road for OneWay "fuck you in the ass" Toyota in downtown Portland.

I couldn't believe it. Chad Motherfucking Hall had become the General Sales Manager. Seriously? Fuck me. This has got to stop. The guy was the fucking Charlie Sheen of car salesmen, he just kept on winning.

Well, that was about to come to a drastic end.

I saw my chance when Chad went out to the side of the building for a smoke. Talking on his stupid cell phone like "Yea, I'm awesome. How 'bout you? Yea. I'm so awesome..." Cocksucker.

I walked up behind him and said "Hiya Chad. I'm baaaaack!" And smacked him upside the head with my hammer. Dragged him over to my van, shoved his stupid ass in and drove him out to my place for some good old fashioned ass rape.

No, fuck that shit. I wouldn't rape that cock sucker if he paid me millions and begged me on his hands and knees. Seriously. I hate him so much I won't even rape him. That's sad, really.

Okay, so maybe no ass rape, but goddamnit there's gonna be some pain and anguish, I can say that for sure. When I got him to my house, I tased him on the neck then dragged him into my shop. Then, I strapped him down to a chair with rope.

I had the chair set up against a support beam in the middle of the shop. So, I duct taped his stupid head to the beam. Just around his forehead and his chin. I wanted his head to be steady so I could pound some nails into it.

During the time it took me to secure him in the chair and to the beam, he did stir a bit from time to time. I kicked him in the balls a few times and tased him again so I could finish setting him up.

Once everything was ready, I put on my brass knuckles and slammed him in the face a few times until he finally woke up. "What the..." was all he could muster, as a mumble only. He seemed a bit confused.

"Oh what, you don't remember me? Yer good ol' buddy Glenn?" I said, with a shit-eating-grin.

"What..." he said, mumbling again.

I tossed some water on his face and hit him a few more times until he finally became alert somewhat. "Now, do you remember?" I asked.

"You!" he finally said. "I knew you were a fucking psycho!"

"Oh yea, you got me there buddy," I said as I shot a nail into his knee with my nail gun. "Yup, can't argue with that. Total psycho."

"Fucking asshole!" he screamed and I laughed and laughed.

"No, seriously... Tell me how you really feel." I laughed some more and put another nail into his other knee. "Feeling all superior now are ya Chad? Go ahead, tell me how much smarter than me you are. Tell me how successful you are and all that shit. I'm really interested."

"Fuck you," he said, seeming to accept that he was fucked and there was no way out. I punched him good across the face with the brass knuckles and knocked a few of his teeth out. He wasn't so smug after that.

Then the begging started. "Come on Glenn," He said. "Come on, let me go. You can't do this to me. I never even did anything to you. Why go through all of this?" Etcetera, etcetera. A car salesman still. Bullshit until the end.

"No, you never really did do anything bad to me," I admitted. "But you're still a fucking asshole. You still think you are better than everyone. Smarter that everyone. More successful..."

"I'm not..." he started.

"Yes you are," I said just before I put two more nails in his legs with the nail gun. "Yes. You. Are. Nothing you can say will save you from this. You are going to die a horrible death just because you were such a fucking smug bastard."

"FUCKKKKKKKKKKK!" he screamed in response.

I reached back to the bench and got a hammer and some nails. "How many nails do you think you can take to the head before you die?" I asked with a grin.

"Goddamnit Glenn. Stop it. This doesn't prove anything. This doesn't solve anything. Just stop." There he went using my name over and over as we were trained in sales. It's the first rule of thumb when you're trying to get someone to like you, or be on your side. Use their name.

"Eat a dick, Chad. The only thing that will stop what is happening right now is your death. Once you're dead, I'll probably stop fucking with you. Maybe. Okay, I'll probably piss on you or something before I drop your corpse in front of the dealership tomorrow. But that's probably it." He looked at me like he was listening. Like he always did to everyone. That fucking smug look. Like he knows what's going on. He's ten steps ahead of the conversation because he's so much smarter than everyone.

It's all bullshit. Fucking car salesmen. They all need to die.

So, I finally got tired of his mouth and shoved a rag down his throat that was soaked in gas. "Even try to mumble something and I swear to god I will light that rag and your insides will burn like a motherfucker." And that was the end of our conversation.

I took the hammer and nails and started banging nails into his skull. First, I put a few through his cheek bones. Then, I put a few through his eye sockets, angling down so they didn't enter the brain so much.

He screamed through the rag, so I lit it on fire and stood back to watch for a while as his face burnt. "Smile!" I said as I took a picture.

After the flames died down, he still wasn't quite dead yet, so i started in on the top of his head with the nails. Hitting the sides first, and slowly moving to the center of his head with deeper nails until I finally heard him croak.

Sweet, beautiful silence.

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DISCLAIMER: This is fiction, you fucking idiots. It's just a goddamn story.

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