There I was, minding my own goddamn business, humming a tune, probably that goddamn wrecking ball song. Fucking Miley. Keep getting that cunt stuck in my head.
Along comes some douchebag down the hill from the highway. All dressed fashionable and shit. He had on some leather jacket, leather shoes, fancy jeans. Bling watch. I was wondering what the fuck he was doing out in the country.
Then the answer became apparent. His girlfriend, or wife, or whoever she was came screaming after him, down from the highway. "Hey asshole!" I heard her scream.
That bitch had better not be screaming at me. I looked back and she was running after the douchebag. He just ignored her and kept walking. "Hey!" She yelled again. This time I just tried to ignore them. "Stop, goddamnit!" She was determined to reach him.
The fashionable guy stopped in his tracks, finally. "What?" He said, wishing she would just leave him the fuck alone.
"How dare you just stop the car and walk away from me!" The bitch screamed.
Now, I have no fucking idea why these ass monkeys were having their little fit right in my personal space, but that's what they did. Not ten feet from me. I could see for a hundred yards in both directions and not another soul was out there. What the fuck. Get your own damn river to have a fight near. For fucks sake.
But no. They went on... "I told you not to sleep with that skank Linda." The bitch continued. "But you went ahead and fucked her anyway. I know. That bitch is crazy. But you just had to tap that ass..." And she went on and on like that for a while. I wasn't paying attention.
If I didn't know any better, I would have sworn those two were black. I mean, they just sounded black to me for some reason. But no, they were in fact upper class white punks. Early twenties if I had to guess.
The douchebag tried to explain the situation to the girl. "But I..." Was all he got out before she screamed at him some more.
I had taken about as much as I could stand, so I put my pole away, packed up my tackle box and started to walk back up to the highway.
"Where the fuck do you think you're going?" The bitch screamed back at me. I was just a random guy, minding my own damn business. Why the hell she decided that I was part of their conversation, I couldn't say.
"Excuse me?" I asked, barely breaking my stride. I wasn't about to get mixed into their drama. No thank you.
"Yea, you." She said, staring me down. "Get the fuck back here. You're the only witness to the bullshit Craig here is going on about." Fucker even had a black man's name. What the fuck is happening?
"Yea, I'm just going to head back to my truck. Looks like the rain isn't letting up any time soon. Good luck to ya'll." I said, and kept walking up the path.
The stupid whore ran after me. She must have been either on drugs, or just plain irrational. I couldn't tell. It actually sounded like she was starting to plead with me, instead of just yelling. "Come on." She said. "Just stop. Hear me out. It's not my fault..." She went on for a while as I stood in the path still facing the other direction.
It seemed that there was no way out of the situation but to deal with these two idiots. I suppose I could have just stabbed her right there in the path, but then that idiot douchebag might come after me. Fuck that. Two birds. One stone.
So, I said "Fine." And walked back with her to talk with the douchebag in the nice leather shoes. I had to admit, I kind of wanted those shoes.
We got to the river bank, where her boyfriend, or whatever, was kicking rocks with my nice shiny leather shoes. They were mine, goddamnit. I would make them mine. I think I was a little obsessed with those shoes.
"Hey!" I said to him when we caught up to him. "You'll scuff up my shoes. Stop kicking rocks, you idiot."
And suddenly their argument fell away and I took its place. "What? These are my shoes. I'll kick rocks if I damn well feel like it." He said.
I sat my pole and tackle box down. Opened the tackle box and took out a small knife that I used for cleaning fish. "I disagree." I said, with an evil grin. "Those are my shoes. Now, take them off."
"What the fuck? Fuck you man. Come on Shelia, lets get out of here before this psycho loses his shit." The douchebag said.
"Wait." She said. I guess, maybe she was still pissed at him or something. "Just give him your shoes. Just do it, and we'll get out of here." Like that would be punishment enough for sleeping with that skank Linda.
"Fuck." He said, exasperated. "Fine." He knelt down to take the first shoe off and I grabbed his neck and sliced it deep. He went down in a lump of shocked drool and blood.
The stupid bitch just screamed and stared at me, in shock. "What..." She managed to get out as I walked calmly over to her, placed my hand over her mouth and nose and patiently waited for her to suffocate.
I picked up the shoes from the douchebag. They were even my size! I was going to take his leather jacket as well, but it was all covered in blood.
So sad. It was a perfectly good jacket, damnit.
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DISCLAIMER: This is fiction, you fucking idiots. It's just a goddamn story.
This blog can also be found at http://killeveryday.wordpress.com
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