I went to the 505 club in Gresham. It's right off Burnside and it's not too busy most of the time. I got there at two PM when there's like nobody there. It was just me and one other booze hound sitting around the dancer ring.
I was the only one making any noise, however. I liked to let the dancers know that I actually give a shit. Not, just tipping with one dollar bills. Fuck that. I tip with twenty dollar bills. Them bitches notice my fat ass. They want to get to know me real good.
So, after her dance, this skanky stripper whore came up to me and asked me “Do ya want a private dance, sweetie?”
“Oh hell no.” I said. “I'd like to keep my distance, thank you very much.” Because, she was quite the skanky whore. I was looking for a little better quality in my private lap dance.
“Fuck you, asshole!” The stripper said as she walked off to the bar. I was hoping she wouldn't sick the bouncer on me, because they do that sometimes. Get all pissy. Send a bouncer over to ruff my shit up. But, I guess she was used to that kind of treatment because she just forgot about it and downed a few shots at the bar.
The next girl came to the stage and this was the one I was really interested in. She was young, blond, and most of all, stuipd as fucking hell. I'm not sure how I notice these things. It's not like she had a tatoo on her forehead that said “I'm retarded.” But, she did in fact have a tattoo on the small of her back, like a tramp stamp that read “No Ragrets.”
“Nice tattoo.” I told here when she came to pick up a twenty that I laid down.
“Thanks baby.” She said with a smile. “Got it a few years ago and it's still true. No regrets!” She exclaimed as she swung around the stripper pole.
“Damn, girl,” I told her. “You're perfect.” I said with a smile. And, I meant it. For what I wanted, she was perfect.
After her dance, she came over to me and asked me if I wanted a lap dance, and my reply was “Hells yea, baby.” I try to keep with the lingo. Stupid is as stupid does and all that. I followed her to one of the back booths and sat down for her to grind on me.
I noticed the old guy that was still left at the dance ring was looking over at us. “Mind your own fucking business!” I yelled over at him and he looked away, finally.
“Yea, baby. Now, we're all alone. What do ya like?” The stripper asked me.
I pulled the razor blade from my pocket and said “I want to see you bleed.” The stripper backed off of me real quick.
“Are you some kind of weirdo?” She asked with a smirk like ewwwww wierdo. And then she yelled over her shoulder “Hey Randy, we got us a weirdo over here!”
“Shut up.” I said and pulled five one-hundred dollar bills out of my front pocket. “Shut up, and these hundreds are all yours.”
“Nevermind, Randy. This baby is mine!” She hollered back to the bouncer and he turned around, back to his post.
“Here, take two hundred now.” I told her, and handed her two hundred dollar bills. “You can have the rest after I see just a little tiny trickle of blood. No big deal.”
She took the two hundreds and looked at the rest of the money, deep in thought. I thought she was having some kind of seizure. She just stared at the money for several minutes, like her brain was miss-firing or something.
“So, uhhh...” She finally said. “Just like, a drop of blood or what?” She asked. I had her by the hook now.
“This area right here. Just take this blade and just nick your skin just a tad, right here.” I said, tracing the carotid artery in her neck with my fingertips. “Just a touch of blood from there and we're done. Here, I even brought a band-aid for you.” I pulled out a few band-aids from my pocket and she smiled.
“You're so thoughtful.” She said, finally excited that she would get the money, because my request would be so easy. She took the blade from me, stripped the cardboard sleeve off it, all sexy like and pressed it to her throat just a tad. No blood.
“Just a little blood.” I repeated. Then, she did nick herself just a little bit. Not even a squirt of blood, just a spot. It wasn't even from her carotid.
She reached for the money but I shook my head. “That's not what I asked for. Just give me a little blood from this spot here.” I traced her carotid artery again with my fingertips. “Here, take another hundred, but please just nick that little spot on your neck and we'll all be done.” I said with a smile.
“Okay, sweetie.” She said, after a pause. “No regrets, right?”
“Yea, that's right. No RAgrets.” I said, exaggerating the misspelling with a smile. Then she took the razor blade and made a quick slice right through her carotid. Blood spurted right into my face and I'm pretty sure I came in my pants right then and there.
She started to scream but I cupped my hand over her mouth. I took the razor blade from her shaking hand and sliced the carotid artery a bit deeper, to finish the act. She bled out in a matter of seconds. I grabbed the few hundreds that I had given her and quickly dashed out the back door of the club.
Jumped into my truck and calmly drove to the exit driveway. Waiting for traffic to clear, I looked in my rear-view mirror, expecting to see the bouncer come running out with a gun or something.
Nobody came. Well except for me, of course. In my pants.
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DISCLAIMER: This is fiction, you fucking idiots. It's just a goddamn story.
This blog can also be found at http://killeveryday.wordpress.com
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